are you so shy because you have an std?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
