I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
