alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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