i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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