you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
