I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize