the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
