Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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