Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
