i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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