Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize