Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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