i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
