the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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