i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
