This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
