I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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