It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
