OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
