Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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