Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
