last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
