I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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