I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
