I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
