I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
