Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
