don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
