i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's rum buckets o'clock
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize