you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
