Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
