So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
