I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
