we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
