I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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