So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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