he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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