I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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