I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
