haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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