tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
