i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
