I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
