The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
