My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
