OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
