I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize