apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
