I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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