Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize