dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
