Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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