So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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