wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
