this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
