i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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