in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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