Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm passing your future prison.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
