i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
