he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
