i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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