I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
