If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
