you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
