Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
