We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize