well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
