walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's always time for handjobs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
