At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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