You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
