eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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