They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
