I think i sorta joined a cult last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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