My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
