i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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