You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
