Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
