There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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