just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
