I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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