Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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