If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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