just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
