I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
