I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
