You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
