I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
