that's an acceptable place to lick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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