Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
