dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
